Navigating the Unexpected valley with Samantha tucker
I want to start this off with a question for you: has there ever been a heartbreak in your life that was so bad, it seemed impossible for God to fix it? I have had that thought quite a lot recently. In the early summer weeks, my husband and I had an exchange with his family that we never saw coming. There was screaming, accusations, threats, and physical harm done to my husband and I.
As I watched my husband tremble in pain with tears streaming down his face, all I could do was a pause. In the moments of this altercation, which I didn’t know then, but I know now, the Holy Spirit was keeping me still. In a moment that was full of terror I could feel the spirit of God lay its hand on my heart and told me to pray; pray now, pray boldly.
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 46:21
The day after was much worse. I made the mistake of sitting at home alone with my thoughts which led me down a spiral of sadness and resentment. I sat there talking to god, choking on my tears, saying “Why, God? Why would you put us through this?” God continued to listen to my cry and comfort me, while I accused and questioned Him.
Experiencing sudden family separations as a married couple was a valley I never prepared myself for. I have never seen my husband so heartbroken and as he shattered, my heart shattered with him. All there was to do was listen and lean on God because He understands and He doesn't let go. God used something so wicked and so ugly, into blessing our marriage with strength and togetherness.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Weeks become months with separation from this family member. During that time God was teaching my husband and I tedious patience and self-control. However, those weeks were blessed with comfort, peace, and genuine joy. Even through the drought of healing, God was so fruitful in our lives. Mending our hearts, just as he promised.
Months passed with no contact until one unexpected group message came to our phones. I foolishly expected kind words and apologies, but we were met with more accusations and more hateful speech. I felt as if the wound I had from this person was nearly healed and then the wound was open again, but somehow deeper this time. I too often assume that separation is used for self-reflection and humility. All though, separation, when God is not present only, leads to growing resentment and rage.
My heart was restless as I read the hateful messages. My husband and I were both betrayed and verbally beaten. No amount of communication worked because it fell on dim ears. I continued to ask God, “what do I say? What should I do?” I heard His voice clearly: walk away. My husband and I did what God commanded us to do, but I still wrestled with the words that were shouted at us. Satan quickly began to use my insecurity as a tool to weaken me: the words that were spoken to me Satan used as a vessel to torment me. For a short time, I believed every word of what I read: I am worthless, I am unwanted, and I am the sole reason for separating a son from his mother. I categorized those hurtful lies as truth instead of bringing my insecurities to God and asking for protection. I was lost and scared.
However, a child of God can only believe the devil's lies for so long until the Holy Spirit reminds you of Jesus and how He views you. Stepping out of the deception of Satan and back into vulnerability with God. Here I was again, back to the brutal healing process, that I know God will use for a greater good.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29
As my husband and I still battle this storm arm and arm as the armor of God protects us I can’t help but be grateful. Grateful for a God we serve that is full of humility, grace, and peace. God never allows a storm without a purpose, rain without a rainbow. This separation has been a tool from God to strengthen our hearts, our marriage, and to gain a larger perspective of the relationships we must keep and the ones God has called us to flee from.
How do you handle conflict and separation as a Believer? Leave a comment below!
