Definition of Friendship

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“Friends. How many of us have them? Friends.”

Word to Whodini. If you’re not familiar with that song or have no idea who Whodini is, its okay. This is a judgement free zone.

Is it just me or does it seem that there’s two kind of people when it comes to the approach on friendships. One on hand, there’s the one person that has a ton of friends. Like you literally call everyone you meet your friend. On the other end, you have the person that doesn’t have any friends at all. Sometimes you may be the third type of person, where you have just a select few that you associate yourself with. No matter what category you find yourself in, can we agree that friendships as an adult are hard work? It just seems like making friends and putting yourself out there is just so complicated. I wonder though, does it have to be so difficult? Have we actually set ourselves up for failure by having false expectations of what we want or need from people in friendships? Yikesssss!

Let’s take a step back really quick.

Have you established a definition of what it means to be a friend?

Whats that definition for you? For me, until like two seconds ago, friendship to me meant loyalty. Ride or die. Showing up and being present – no matter the day or the time. Being 1,000 percent committed to the friendship. You gave gifts, you celebrated, you loved on them, etc. Now some of this may be necessary components to a healthy friendship, but there are a few components to healthy relationships that I have recently learned, that I did not ever consider being in my definition of friendship. One of those components are boundaries. 

 I always felt that I needed to be present for friends. If they called, I answered. If they needed to come by, I opened my space to them. I have been placed in friendship circles through my life where loyalty was the foundation. You show up no matter what. But as the years have gone on and I’ve evolved, I have had to redefine that aspect of friendship for me. 

If I can be transparent, boundaries were always seen as a negative concept and that’s when they were even discussed. Boundaries were always seen as the thing that kept people out. They seemed to be these things you implement when there needs to be distance put between two people after something in the friendship or relationship has gone wrong. Boundaries to me often equated to a punishment of some sort actually. Not a good feeling. But I’ve learned that boundaries are such a necessary component to healthy relationships.

Boundaries don’t keep out what’s “bad”, they preserve what’s “good”.

Let’s just be frank. We’re adults. We have things to tend to. It’s time that we expand our definition and perspective of friendship. Ultimately, what you’re expecting from a friend, needs to be something that you’ve aligned yourself with as well. How can you expect for another person to do the things that you are not implementing for yourself?

Friendship can be not talking to a person often but still understanding they love you and care about your wellbeing. Friendship can be understanding this and not judging a person when they present this sentiment to you. Friendship can be implementing boundaries so that you only pour from your cup when you are mentally and emotionally capable. Friendship can be loving the other person through their growth and evolving processes. Friendship can be giving grace when their processes create hardship for you. Friendship is so multifaceted - let’s embrace the various dynamics it encompasses.

“A dear friend will love you no matter what, and a family sticks together through all kinds of trouble.” – Proverbs 17:17 (TPT)